Today I had my six week checkup. It was very uneventful. The final results had not been sent to the hospital yet so they are going to call me when that happens. After talking with the doctor he said the IUD probably was the cause, but of course they can’t say for sure that it was. I stand by saying that it was the cause, George was fine otherwise and all various testing they did on me has come back negative. So the IUD must have caused something to go wrong with the placenta, which then failed to do what it is supposed to do. I admit I debated suing someone, but who, and do I want to drag it on for a long time, I have my own healing to deal with to want to do that.

The nurse was so awesome, she gave the kids coloring books while I went in with the dr, I didn’t expect that at all! I also got to pick out birth control - saying I don’t want to have another IUD still makes people laugh a little. I know I will never get another one and Alice is not either. Of course by the time she is ready for birth control maybe things in the IUD world will have changed, who knows. So I get to try a pill - something I haven’t done for years so hopefully it goes okay!

I’m sad I can’t keep seeing the same doctors but now I have to stick with the military ones. I am amazed at the level (not very high) of care I have received here from them, at our previous duty station I had great doctors! Every place is different.

I’ve gained weight too, I’m back to what I was when I started doing LA Weight Loss earlier this year. That is a bummer but I am going to start LA back up soon. I need to go grocery shopping first!

I have a two week follow up appointment tomorrow. I’m not nervous, I know the drs won’t be able to tell me everything and they might not even be able to tell me anything. We do have a handful of test results they should tell us.

I’m still kind of shocked about my dr calling hte other day. That I had to tell her that my baby died. I had to tell her. Me who doesn’t even feel like talking to my closest friends on the phone just yet had to tell my dr.

What kind of a system doesn’t even have the updated records in a timely manner? Or finds out if there may be more results before calling, considering the high risk situation?

Ah well, tomorrow I see my high risk drs who I must say are awesome. They are simply so great. Our patient care at the hospital was the best we have ever experienced, and we told everyone so. I don’t even have any questions for the drs, but I’m sure I will once they start telling the results.

I have to admit that I’ve been shocked at the records transfer here at our hospital. I can be seen at the military hospital, but would have had to deliver at a different hospital. When I got the confirmation letter from the different hospital (a few months ago) they had the wrong date on my pending admittance. After a quick phone call it was corrected, but how hard would it have been to get it right?

I got a phone call this afternoon from my military hospital dr., who is very nice and I liked a lot. However, due to I think she said painting going in on the OB dept, she didn’t receive the first results of the amnio until today. It was actually one of the nurses who called and when I said the baby died a week and a half ago she quickly gave the phone to my dr. After a few minutes of talking I realized none of the other results after the initial amnio have been sent to the military hospital either. I have a dr’s appt this week, a two week followup, and I will ask when everything will be sent over there. I know I won’t forget, but I would like all the records to be identical.

My dr also asked if I wanted a birth control (um, NO!) and if we were planning on having more kids. I told her it was too soon for us to decide that but I was glad she asked because I was wondering what would happen if we did. It turns out that since George died, any pregnancy that comes up will be considered high risk and I would be transferred immediately to either MUSC if we are here, or whichever high risk ob was close depending on where we are stationed. I breathed a sigh of relief at that. My experience at MUSC was THE best - the nurses were so great, the drs were awesome, it really was the best patient care I’ve ever received. I definitely want drs experienced with more then the standard obs typically are.

Thank you, everyone, for the thoughts and keeping us in your prayers.

We are okay. My Mom left yesterday but I’m happy to say she will be back in a week, that will be her regularly scheduled visit. This has made me realize just how much I really miss my family. I miss being around them, being close enough to visit regularly, I miss it all. I haven’t talked to my brothers, my Mom was a great buffer for that, but they’ve been great about calling and asking how I was. I finally talked to my Grandma the other day, my Dad today and my best friend yesterday. I figure getting past talking to them on the phone is a huge milestone for me.

My Mom arrived late Tuesday night and he was moving around, Wednesday morning we went to the dr and he had passed sometime between Mom’s arrival and our visit to the dr. I believe he waited for her to be here.

We named him George Felix, after two of his great grandparents. We were able to get him baptized and we will either bury or spread his ashes back in South Dakota, though not right away.

We are okay and thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

So it is finally time for our next dr’s appt - tomorrow AM we have the ultrasound and meet with the dr afterward. I got another call from the genetics counselor yesterday. She said the tests for the two virus’ (via the amnio) both came back negative. We are still waiting on the final chromosome test - they need to look at all 22 (not sure if they will look at 23, the sex one, again?) to see if there are any issues with any of them. So far they looked at three or four and there are no problems. That is all good news!

My Mom said if there is anything Mom’s have, it is hope. I’ve thought for the past month or so that the baby isn’t as big as he should be - and I should have followed my intuition and called to move my drs appt at the end of August up. Of course that doesn’t mean anything would be different.

After a bit of searching online I’ve been able to find information on what we think is going on. The dr and counselors were most concerned about the chromosomes and now that we are narrowing things down, they will be more concerned about growth, the heart and the placenta. I don’t think we’ve been officially diagnosed as having placenta insufficiency or inter uterine growth restriction - but a quick search tells us we are not out of the dark yet with either of those.

I guess my hope was we will just be worrying about a small baby, getting him to grow and more importantly getting him to grow enough to be born. The counselor gently reminded me that these are still big issues to be concerned with and we have a ways to go.

My Mom gets here late tonight, in time to go to the dr with us, and I am so glad she will be visiting. Chris said it will be nice to have someone around to be the grown up - and I completely agree. She’s a tough woman and while I still have hope, it is hard. The emotions raging through my body go back and forth throughout the day, and it seems when I am having a down moment, the baby picks that time to kick, roll or move (I’ve never been good at figuring out if it is a foot, knee, arm or elbow - I just say moving or kicking). It’s reassuring and I take it as a sign that he is there and fighting.

We got the phone call today telling us the results for the first part we were waiting for. This was the FISH test and is the one that was going to come back first. It is a preliminary test telling us if certain chromosomes were doubled - they looked at five or six chromosomes for this test - and NONE are doubled. I let out a high sigh of relief when she finally got the words out. (It felt like she was speaking so slowly! And my heart was pounding so hard, I just wanted her to talk faster.)

That is good news. The chromosomes they were looking at would have indicated syndromes or diseases that would be fatal to the baby. There are a couple more tests we are waiting for and we will be called as the results come in.

One very surprising thing is the genetics counselor who called to tell us the news asked if we knew the gender, I said yes, they said she’s a girl. She said no that there was an X and a Y for the sex - meaning a BOY! Two different ultrasound techs told us girl - but both had a really hard time because the umbilical cord was all bunched up there and neither of the techs were able to get a clear shot. After the dr’s appointment on Monday the tech sent us home with a few pictures and one is of the genitals - I didn’t think it looked like a girl, but I’m the one who says “oh is that an arm” and they say no that is the lower leg, so I figured what do I know about what I am looking at! And so chromosomes don’t lie, this is a boy. They are going to look back at the ultrasound.

We are waiting for a final chromosome test - it will look at every pair of chromosomes to see if there are any issues. If that test comes back fine then “all” we are worried about is the growth rate of the baby and his (have to get used to that!) heart size. His heart is enlarged and they have said depending on what goes on with the growth of the heart, it could affect the growth of his lungs. Another test will tell us if there is (or was) a virus that had some effect on him.

So we are not out of the dark yet but today definitely brought us great news. Keep the thoughts and prayers coming, they are very appreciated. I’m not sure when the rest of the results will be available to us but we have another appt next Wednesday and they have said for sure by then.

After calling one of the genetics counselors for a bit more information, I realize what we are waiting for from the amnio test yesterday is the chromosome test. Unless there are problems with whoever does the testing, we will have the results on Friday. So it’s hurry up and wait until Friday. I still have another day of taking it easy because of the test and I plan on watching tv and movies. I need to do dishes and laundry too so thank goodness the kids are old enough to help!

Thank you for continued prayers, they are all appreciated. Getting past Friday will be a big milestone for the baby, she knows it too because she’s been kicking and moving much more then she ever has before. She knows we are all thinking of her I’m sure.

We had three dr appts today - genetics (from the positive afp test), ultrasound and a new ob appointment since my care has been transferred.

The genetics appointment had us going over our family history and the counselor telling us what could happen. I don’t like talks like that, of course they are necessary, you need to be prepared but they are still hard.

There are no issues that were seen on the ultrasound indicating there are spinal issues, which is good news. They said the ultrasound rules out spinal issues by like 99%, only an amnio could take care of the other 1%.

However there are a handful of other issues that are now much more important - including the heart, placenta, chromosomes, umbilical cord. We decided to get an amnio done after the ultrasound and the first of a few tests from the amnio will be back on Friday, well Friday hopefully as the testing place won’t get the samples until Wednesday.

I don’t feel numb, but I’m not sure how I feel. I’m thinking of the baby and how much she has to go through. How much do we as parents have to go through. What is fair to her and her spirit?

Even after hearing all the bad stuff, she kicked and moved most of the drive home.

Keep her, and us, in your thoughts and prayers, we can really use them.

I am starting to think that telling the family what is going on is more stress then actually dealing with what is going on. I thought my Mom was still on vacation and called her around lunch today - but she answered and said she was at meetings! Whoops!

I told her what I knew, crying while talking - or rather crying then talking - and then crying again after I got off the phone with her. I was thinking I would tell my brothers, Dad and Grandma after I knew more next week, which seems like a long time to wait, maybe. Then my Dad calls because Mom called a brother. So of course while on the phone with him I’m crying, and now I have a headache. And now it’s dinner time which means taking care of the kids and making sure we have enough for Chris to take lunch to work tomorrow! If only I could be a blob and lay on the couch watching Law and Order reruns.

I shouldn’t have waited to tell them though. We are a close family and I know better. I hope my Mom tells my Grandma though, I’ve had enough crying to last at least a few days.