We had three dr appts today – genetics (from the positive afp test), ultrasound and a new ob appointment since my care has been transferred.

The genetics appointment had us going over our family history and the counselor telling us what could happen. I don’t like talks like that, of course they are necessary, you need to be prepared but they are still hard.

There are no issues that were seen on the ultrasound indicating there are spinal issues, which is good news. They said the ultrasound rules out spinal issues by like 99%, only an amnio could take care of the other 1%.

However there are a handful of other issues that are now much more important – including the heart, placenta, chromosomes, umbilical cord. We decided to get an amnio done after the ultrasound and the first of a few tests from the amnio will be back on Friday, well Friday hopefully as the testing place won’t get the samples until Wednesday.

I don’t feel numb, but I’m not sure how I feel. I’m thinking of the baby and how much she has to go through. How much do we as parents have to go through. What is fair to her and her spirit?

Even after hearing all the bad stuff, she kicked and moved most of the drive home.

Keep her, and us, in your thoughts and prayers, we can really use them.

I am starting to think that telling the family what is going on is more stress then actually dealing with what is going on. I thought my Mom was still on vacation and called her around lunch today – but she answered and said she was at meetings! Whoops!

I told her what I knew, crying while talking – or rather crying then talking – and then crying again after I got off the phone with her. I was thinking I would tell my brothers, Dad and Grandma after I knew more next week, which seems like a long time to wait, maybe. Then my Dad calls because Mom called a brother. So of course while on the phone with him I’m crying, and now I have a headache. And now it’s dinner time which means taking care of the kids and making sure we have enough for Chris to take lunch to work tomorrow! If only I could be a blob and lay on the couch watching Law and Order reruns.

I shouldn’t have waited to tell them though. We are a close family and I know better. I hope my Mom tells my Grandma though, I’ve had enough crying to last at least a few days.

I’d like to take this time to tell every hospital out there to practice better patient care!!!

I got a call from the new hospital we are being moved to only to have the nurse (maybe she was a nurse? Maybe she was just a patient appt person? I’m not sure actually.) tell me that the AFP (triple screen) (wiki link) test I decided to take came back positive. The test screens for neural tube defects, among other things. And my test came back positive for neural tube defects which as I understand it is spinal issues.

So already emotional from having to be moved to a high risk hospital in the first place, now I have someone who can’t answer any questions! She did say she was sorry that she didn’t have any answers and that my doctor should have called me to tell me.

I did call my (soon to be old) doctor and ask what she could tell me – which unfortunately wasn’t much. She said the thing is the ultrasound tech didn’t see anything on the ultrasound so that is a good sign, but the new hospital will do more in depth ultrasound, including 3D. Now I have to wait six days to be seen and get more information.

It’s hard to stay rationale in times like this – I want more answers or to talk about every possibility. I never took the triple screen test with my other kids. I have done so great staying away from searching online as to what could be going on with a small baby, and I am definitely staying away (after my few brief searches after the initial phone call a little while ago) now.

My neighbor gave birth to both of her kids at the new hospital I am being transferred to. She used to work there as well. She said it’s good that I am being transferred now as if nothing was realized until the baby was born then the baby would have been transferred to the other hospital and I would stay at the one I was at. I didn’t realize that so I am glad. She also said this other hospital is a great place, the doctors are wonderful, the nurses are as well and they get all the newest ‘stuff’ that is out there.

Just waiting on the phone call but I am waiting until Wednesday to call them myself.

My Mom will tell you herself that she is an emotional person – well, maybe she won’t. She’s a tough woman and always knows what to say to help my brothers and I see the big picture and know that everything will be okay. She’s great at listening to us cry and staying strong, at least until we get off the phone, for us.

She had all the right words yesterday, everything will be fine, it’s just a precaution, maybe the baby is just going to be small. I think what she does in terms of babies – you get what God gives you. You don’t get to pick and you don’t get to change your mind.

But at the end of the conversation when I told her the baby is a girl, that’s when she started crying.

Course, of eleven (twelve including this baby) grandkids, only two (three) are girls so I suppose that is one reason to be emotional.

My dr’s appointment went well today. It was for the anatomy ultrasound – you know, check out the heart, bone growth, etc. She found the baby’s leg right away and we both realized the baby is measuring small. I am supposed to be 22 weeks tomorrow, but combining all the measurements and the baby is measuring at 19 weeks tomorrow. I did get to see the baby all over and she sent us home with lots of pictures – profile, face, foot, leg and a few more. I love it when they do that, I have several ultrasound pics of the other kids too.

Due to the baby measuring so small, I am now considered a high risk pregnancy and am in the process of being transferred to a different hospital. I know I did nothing wrong and I also know this is a baby that is determined to be here! She (wishing again!) managed to be conceived despite a tough birth control to get past after all.

I should know when my next appointment will be later today. One of the nurses is taking care of transferring me and said they’ll probably want me there within a week. It’s overwhelming and emotional to think about.

Oh and I had previously declined the triple screen blood test that is offered but they asked again today if I would reconsider, and I did.

I also asked the ultrasound tech to tell me what the sex is – we had agreed not to find out but considering the circumstances, I had to know. And I was right, it’s a girl.

(The tech did say that could change but she is usually not wrong, and boys are usually clearly seen and if you can’t tell then it’s usually a girl. A lot of usually’s!)

I’ve felt the baby moving – I actually felt the baby early on – but somehow I still worry. It’s that I don’t know how big I should be, which is dumb to worry about because every baby and every pregnancy is completely different. I’m sure everything is fine, my gut tells me this. But it doesn’t stop me from thinking and wondering.

And then I think okay when do I call the dr if I’m really concerned? My dr’s appt is next week so I don’t have much longer to wait to actually see her.

I am under a lot of stress right now and of course the baby newsletter that I get picks this week to tell me I need to have as little stress in my life as possible! Ahhhh! It talked about how having a very stressful life/pregnancy could lead to a low birth weight baby something to do with your body and how it handles cortisol.

Adding everything together, it makes me want to run to the dr…in a few days. I think since I don’t feel an immediate need to see the dr, I’m okay.

Today I am 20 weeks. I don’t feel like I am 20 weeks though! I browsed around a couple of websites today to see how big the baby is (10 inches long!) and how big other people are (it really ranges from person to person). I took a couple of pictures but didn’t have pictures this early with my other kids. With them I waited until June or July to take belly pictures – and they were both born in August!

Here is me laying down on the bed ~

Not really a baby bump, I don’t think.

Then here is standing in the bathroom (excuse the dirty mirror! Haha I didn’t realize it was that bad.) ~

Sure I have a tummy in this picture – but I think it is the baby growing and pushing the chubbiness up and out. So it isn’t a baby belly, it’s a chubby belly. Hahaha
I’ve been feeling great though.I don’t think I’ve gained anything (though I haven’t weighed myself in a couple of weeks) and I don’t go back to the dr until the end of the month. That is when we have the ultrasound to measure the baby’s growth, heart, etc. And of course if we want to find out the sex, we can. I don’t think we are going to though. We didn’t with Alice (though mother’s instinct told me she was a girl) and we did with Jake (but again I felt like he was a boy anyway) and this time I think we want a surprise. I don’t feel either way yet – well sometimes I do, but others I doubt myself.

I had a doctors appointment this morning – everything is good! We got to hear the baby’s heartbeat, holding steady in the high 150s to low 160s, and did a mini overall checkup of me, listening to heart, lungs, etc. The kids were with me and behaved pretty good considering they only had one chair to share. Everything is going good with me and the baby – other then me gaining three pounds in a month. I’m really not happy with that and plan on upping my water intake and exercising more. I think the kids and I will go to the Y every day and then the library, that will give us something to do before starting the scheduled school year. Chris started his new shift at work today, putting him at being gone for 14 hours a day. We definitely need to find more to occupy our time!

I really didn’t want to gain a lot of weight with this baby but I’m only seven pounds away from getting back to where I was when I joined LA Weight Loss! I’m sure I need to eat more food, part of what surprised me about LA was the eating a lot more then what I was used to, and even less junk then what I’m having. I try hard not to eat junk and it’s probably time to go back to just not buying any. We don’t have a lot in the house, but even that little bit is temping.

I don’t have another baby appointment until the very end of August now, that will be the ultrasound to check on the baby’s anatomy and then a quick check in with the doctor. I’m hoping Chris will be able to get the day off – the ultrasound tech here doesn’t mind having family in the room with you and he hasn’t been able to see any of our other ultrasounds in person.

[tags]baby update, ultrasound, eating well[/tags]

I just went through my google calendar and set all of my ‘weeks’ in there. This past Friday I hit 16 weeks! I’m amazed that I am that far along, but then again that’s what happens when you don’t find out right away. I’ve been feeling great and have a dr’s appointment in the morning. It’s late but I took a three hour nap earlier and feel great! I should go to sleep just so I can get up early tomorrow, but I’m playing catch up on a couple of forums that I have been neglecting.

Seeing how far along I am, how many weeks are left and all of our events in between is really making me realize that I’ve neglected my home business. Sure I’ve been doing a few things here or there but I haven’t been building my business like I really should.

I found out tonight that a good friend got engaged yesterday. She has been hoping to get engaged for a few months now so I am glad it finally happened. They’ve sent a tentative date for early November and that has gone in the calendar too. I’ll be 31-33 weeks along depending on the final date and I think I can travel then still. I’m not sure I will – we have a lot going on work wise with Chris and it might not be possible!

But seeing all the weeks – wow. I’m just a few short weeks away from being halfway there!